How can I live without you?
by Don't mess with my ships
Summary: What if Clary was completely and undeniably committed to Simon before Jace came along? And what if instead of facing dangerous and deadly demons they faced something even more deadly; teenage lives.
1. Chapter 1: Not friends

**AN: hello everyone! This is my first ever fanfiction so I hope you would be able to give some constructive criticism to help me write better in the future and also if you like this could you leave a review. Hope you enjoy :)**

I woke to my phone vibrating violently on my bedside table, groaning and blindly swatting my hand on the hard wood table my fingers curled around a cold metal block, I bought it to my ear,

"Hello?" I mumbled pushing my wild locks away from my face,

"Babe?" His voice came across the line, sweet and filled with concern as ever, when I heard it my heart skipped a beat and my eyes flew open, adjusting to the dull light of my bedroom,

"Hey!" I replied, suddenly energised,

"Hey Fray, I can't talk for long, my mum is still asleep - " "So was I!" I cut in, he just laughed quietly to himself, "anyway," he continued like I hadn't interrupted, "I was wondering if you would like to grab a cup of coffee before school,"

"Sure," I replied, rolling out of bed to look at my clock which read; 6.57, "Lewis!" I exclaimed fuming at the fact I was up so early and he laughed whole heartedly,

"See you in 20,"

"Okay... And Simon?"

"Yes?"

"No pet names," with that I hung up the phone and ran to my cupboard

I couldn't try to look impressive for Simon, after all I was heading to school, but I tried to make an effort; hiking up my catholic school girl skirt to show off more of my slim pale legs and keeping some buttons on my shirt undone to try and show off some of my small curves that have developed over the past year. I also tied my hair up the way he like it and put on minimal make up to impress him further.

It took me more than 20 minutes to get ready so I was running out the door to the Starbucks where we usually met. When I got there Simon was already sitting there in his school uniform with two cups of coffee, I stopped for a second before he saw me to check that everything was straight before walking to his table.

His eyes lit up when he saw me, he placed the two cups down and got up to welcome me. His lanky arms wrapped around my short body and he pulled me in for a quick kiss, his lips taste sweet like his coffee and the kiss was gentle and soft. I hadn't kissed anyone else other than Simon but I couldn't imagine anyone kissing me better than he does,

"Hey Babe," I shoved him playfully dropping into my seat and taking my coffee cup,

"What did I say?" He looked sheepishly at me before taking his own seat,

"No pet names," he took his coffee and took a deep sip. It is still early days in our relationship, we had been friends before that... For a long time, I can still remember the day our friendship ended

*flash back*

"No way Fray!" Simon yelped as I beat him for the second time in the row at Call Of Duty: Black Ops,

"You better believe it!" I gloated slamming his Playstation controller down on his worn bedroom carpet and leaning against the foot of his queen single bed,

"Well," Simon said, putting his controller down and turning off the TV, "I believe that you must be using performance enhancing drugs, because no one beats be at Black Ops," I scoffed, he faced me, his brown eyes sharpened under his glasses,

"Just admit it, you're not as good me," he laughed, leaning back so he looked down at me, I stuck out my tongue childishly at him, making a show of it, rubbing it in further. There was no doubt about it, the last two games were total flukes but I wasn't doing to admit it,

"Oh!" Simon realised, "I got this new anime episode, I thought we could watch!" He leant over me to grab the DVD container form under the bed, his head close to my neck, almost too close, I could feel his warm breath stirring some of my flaming red hair resting on my shoulder, he glanced up sensing my eyes on him. Now he was close, looking into my eyes through a layer of glass, now getting the container he was on his way back, with this close proximity I could see a little bit of cheese dust from Cheetos on his cheek, I reached out, not noticing what I was doing and held his jaw and ran my thumb along his cheek dusting away the cheese flavouring. His skin was smooth and soft to touch, his cheeks have been hollowing out over the past month but being this close I could feel and see how much he had changed. His eyes warred wide and stunned at my sudden intermit contact, I blushed scarlet and dropped his gaze and my hand. But I wasn't fast enough, he caught my hand with his own and I looked back up, his gaze now was trained on my small pale hand, tracing the lines on my palm, he looked back up at me turning my hand so my freckled back hand was facing up,

"Simon I-" he gingerly placed his lips on my hand, his warm lips we stiff and slowly formed a gentle kiss on my hand, I sucked in a breath, this isn't how friends should behave, never ever. He didn't stop there though, his eyes, never dropped mine as he dropped my hand and went instead to hold my cheek, his hand was shaking slightly as he lent in so our noses touched but he didn't move any further, he paused for a long time his eyes asking silently for permission. _This is what you want, isn't it?_ My inner voice told me, _you always wanted your first kiss to be with someone special, someone you cared about... Why not Simon? Who else could it be but the boy who played with you when you were young, the boy with whom you shared sleepovers and secrets and the boy who knows everything about you? You deserve him... Go on,_ the voice sounded every convincing but my more rational side was nagging me, _what about your friendship? It will go. What if it ends on bad terms? You would lose a life long friend._ I bit my lip, indecisive, Simon breath suddenly became rugged,

"God Fray, I love it when you do that," that was it, no more decisions, no more chances. He leant the rest of the way in and his lips crashed against mine, it was our first kiss and frankly it was messy, hard and a bit disgusting but it was a kiss and as it grew deeper we got better, switching positions now and again to gain vantage...

*flash back end*

I took a sip of my coffee, it was delicious and just the way I liked it, I love the fact Simon knows so much about me especially my coffee order 'black like my soul' I grinned to myself,

"what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I replied, he just rolled his eyes and looked down at his cup, inhaling deeply,

"You know what?" He asked still looking down,

"What?" I asked leaning forward across the table,

"I think I am going to walk you to school..." I was suddenly scared, I loved Simon, like more than life it's self but he couldn't be seen at my all girls school and to top it off the fact my mum was the art teacher there... I didn't want her to see us... I still haven't told her about us yet and Simon didn't knew that either... Plus I was planning to fix my clothes on the walk to school so I didn't get a signature from the teachers for having my skirt above my knee,

"Look," I began, ready to lie my ass off but he beat me to it, "shit!" He swore getting to his feet , "we're going to be late," I crossed my arms stubbornly but he hooked my by the elbow and slung both mine and his bags over his shoulders and we were out the door.

I never got to fix my skirt or shirt before walking through the school gates but I got a good bye kiss, it was embarrassing to say the least, not only was our kiss deep and passionate but it was in front of my catholic girl school where my mother was a teacher.

I walked, as if in a dream, a trance, I walked with the flow of girl students, my eyes sliding without registering their interested eyes on me. A squeal of excitement broke my trace and I spun to see one smiling, happy and excited Isabelle,

"Oh my god! Cla-ry!" I turned beet red and looked down at myself and swore, tugging at my skirt, "I wasn't commenting on your clothes," she said rolling her made up eyes then walking up to me and taking me by my shoulder leading me down the hall, "I was talking about your cute little toy-"

"Don't say that!" I hissed, taking myself from her grasp and walking swiftly to my locker, but her long legs caught up with me with no trouble,

"Sorry Clary," Izzy said in a whiny, 'innocent voice', "he's just so cuuuttttee!" My glaze hit her flawless face like a brick, "Sorry," she mumbled toying with the lock on her locker directly next to me and grabbing her books, she stared at me and I blushed again and leaned deeper into my locker. A light tap of her fingers on my shoulder earned my glance, she had a sliver envelope in her hand, I turned to face her, looking up slightly to meet her piercing blue eyes, she gave me a slight nod and I took the envelope, "Think about it," she said giving me one of her winks that made all the boys swoon.


	2. Chapter 2: School dynamics

**AN: Hello again guys, that's for your reviews and for the people who have flowed and favourited this, hopefully you will like this chapter! Thank you so much for reading! Please review!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the story Mortal Instruments or the characters but this story is my own**

Simon pov

Clary, the girl of my dreams and childhood, for years I had fantasised what it would be like to taste her lips, the truth was they were even more sweet than I could have dreamed of just their touch made me want to melt into her. It was stupid to think that any girl could have that effect on me but she was just so... Perfect.

Kissing her before she went to school maybe wasn't the smartest choice but what can I say? She just looked so good! I walked swiftly along the sidewalk glancing down a couple of times to check the time.

"Simon!" I heard the familiar cry from behind me, I spun on heel to see three boys, all in my school uniform but only one was the one I was looking for, Eric. He pushed past the gay Lightwood kid and Jace, the heart throb, to get to me. Alex Lightwood, I think that was his name, dropped his head when Eric passed but Jace didn't, his eyes met mine in a flash of gold and they inspected me, he had a curious light to his eyes and I felt violated all of a sudden so I turned again and let Eric jog up next to me, with the burning glaze piercing my backside,

"Hey," I murmured to Eric, slightly uncomfortable,

"Sup, bro," Eric said slapping me hard of the back, "So... Clary?" There was a moment of silence, although Clary had been my best friend Eric had always been there and he was the only one who knew my feelings for her. Then I realised he must have seen... shit. I blushed looking down.

"Yeah," I managed to croak. That earned me another slap on the back. I looked up and his crooked teeth where grinning goofily at me, he raised his hand, looking for a high five but I just grabbed his hand and pushed it down,

"Aw, come on man!" Eric moaned, "she's a total babe! And way out of your league! Man your totally in," he rose his hand again and I high fived him, it was a stupid and boyish thing to do, but what was I supposed to do, he was right, she was a out of my league and she loved me just as much as I did her.

I heard a snort from behind me and I stop dead in my tracks. I turned slowly, fists clenched, I had never felt this way before. It was like my blood was burning and I saw red, I was in complete rage, I get angry like everyone else but this was something more and I couldn't understand why I felt like this but I am ready to see how it turns out for me...

Jace stood meters away and he had stopped too with his friend beside him, he had a stupid smile plastered to his face and his eyes were alight with entertainment,

"Is something funny?" I asked,

"Not really," he answered nonchalantly, pushing between Eric and I closely followed by his friend who seemed extremely interested in his worn out shoes and muttering a apology as they passed. I stood there staring after them, the fiery anger ebbing away, what was I thinking? What did I think I was going to do? Jace would have single handed lay smushed my wimpy face into the ground!

I walked swiftly crossing the road and heading to school, avoiding Jace and Alex with Eric on my heels asking me why we crossed, I rolled my eyes and whipped out my phone to check my message bank. 1 missed call, I lifted my phone to my ear to hear the message,

"Mr Lewis!" My head snapped back and my eyes met one of the scariest and strictest teachers, I slowly lowered it and his hand extended,

"That's unfair!" Eric complained, "We're not in school yet!" Mr Starkweather rose one of his grey bushy eyebrows,

"Hand them over boys," slowly we dropped our phones into his calloused and weathered hands and entered the school gates.

Jaces Pov

I didn't think that Izzy could have squealed any higher than she had when she saw the small red head having a tall lanky nerd shove his tongue down her throat, I cringed at the sound, walking with my best friend, Alec, and his sister had its perks but this was awful. When the two inexperienced teenagers disconnected, the short red flustered with her cheeks red and green eyes swimming, she was cute I guess but her boyfriend went to my school, I couldn't remember his name to save my life and I really didn't care, he was a nerd who got lucky. She was cute, I guess, the kind of girl I am interested in but before I could ask Izzy who her hot friends name was she was chasing after her through the school gate leaving me and Alec standing alone.

"Argh," Alec groaned, "that was disgusting!" I laughed and kept walking, we needed to go to school.

Eric Smith, he thinks he is a lady's man or something but I never he'd of him even getting to second base with a girl, if he was lucky he would kiss a girl before they realised how much of a 'sexist pig' he was... He walked behind us, heavy footed and snorting as he went, my insides churned. When he saw the little weasel who was with the cute girl, he called out,

"Simon!" I guess the weasel had a name, Eric came, pushing though Alec and I and I had half a mind not to trip him up,

"Jace," Alec sighed, "Don't,"

"What!" I demanded, knowing that he knew what I was thinking,

"Calm down," he groaned, "Could we cross the road?" He asked desperate to avoid any conflict.

"No," I said simply and quickened my pace to get closer to the two boys ahead to try and hear their conversation, I heard one name though, nothing more, 'Clary'.

Laughing at their high five pushed it but what was the weas- Simon (I corrected myself), thinking? I could have snapped him like a twig, though a twig would be easier to snap than him.

I walked to the Lightwoods home alone now. Alec having accepted a ride home from a sparkly looking male named Magnus and promising 'I won't be long'. I chuckled to myself knowing that I would have to be alone for quite a while...

I walked up the concrete drive to the big white wooden house of the Lightwoods, I helped myself in using the spare key and opening the mahogany door.

"Alec!?" A call came from upstairs,

"No me, Jace!" I called back, I dropped my school bag and kicked off my school shoes and walked into the kitchen. Opening the right cupboard and pouring myself a glass of water I sat at the breakfast bar where one of Izzy's magazines sat, I flicked though it uninterested.

"Jace?" Isabelle's head poked out and into the room and smiled, "Where's Alec?"

"Taking a 'drive' with Magnus," I mumbled, her grin grew wider and she stepped out from behind the wall so I could see her whole body,

"Well, what do you think?" She asked innocently battering her eyes, if I was a cartoon my eyes would have fallen out out of my head and my jaw would have hit the ground, the little black haired girl who I used to tease and pull her piggy tails was gone and the girl who stood in front of me was... Stunning... She wore a tight shimmering black dress that flared out at her narrow hips with a deep, I mean deep neckline with spaghetti straps and red high heels, "I need your opinion as a boy, not as a brother OR a articulate boy," she added,

"Fine," I said, swivelling around in my chair to face her straight on, I cleared my throat taking my time, Izzy just rolled her eyes, "You look HOT," she squealed, I was wrong about earlier, she could squeal higher,

"Thank you, Thank you, Thank YOU!" She said running towards me to give me a big hug, pressing herself against my flat chest,

"So..." I started, peeling her off me, "Whats this all for?" I said gesturing to her dress, she smiled bigger before she replied,

"I'll be back in a minute," she ran off, well as fast as she could travel in six inch high heels which was surprisingly fast. When she appeared again she had discarded the shoes and wore a bath robe over her dress and carried a silver envelope,

"I know you probably have better things to do... But it would mean a lot to me if you came," she handed it to and I looked up at her, my eyes questioning her.


	3. Chapter 3: Envelope and intentions

**AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, assessment for school was piling up and then COHF came out and I needed to finish it before going onto social media... So sorry, enjoy this chapter!**

**Should I keep going? Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Cassandra Clare does. I do ownthe storyline however. **

Clary pov

I didn't get a chance to open the envelope until school was over. Through the corse of the days saw a large variety of girls also receive the strange envelope, Sophie, Tessa and many more... But Maia was the biggest surprise to me, being one of my closer female friends besides Izzy I valued her and her feelings but Izzy and her didn't particularly get along...

I got home before my mum, like usual so I walked into my bedroom, closing the door firmly behind me, yanking out the slightly crushed envelope I sat at my desk pushing my art supplies out of the way. I shoved my finger under the thick tab of cardboard and yanked upwards ripping the envelope open, purple glitter erupted and spilled onto the paint stained desk and I smirked, only Izzy would do something like that. I reached into the envelope and plucked out the crisp white paper, at first glance it looked like a wedding invitation, black lace pattern around the edge, black loopy printed writing, only this wasn't a wedding invitation. It was a generic invite, asking if I would be interested in attending her sweet sixteen birthday party... A masquerade ball. This Friday.

I had to admit, the idea of dancing the night away in elegant ball gowns with your identity hidden beneath a mask sounded great, I had nothing to wear of course or could even be 'hidden' by a mask because my crazy hair would give me away but I didn't care, I jumped at my phone and called Izzy,

"Clary?" Her sweet voice answered,

"Hey Iz," I replied sitting down on my bed,

"Soooo...?" She asked promoting my answer for the invite, I hadn't talked to her for the rest of the day so it was a good assumption,

"I'm coming," I dropped the phone as a high pitched sound came across the line and smiled to myself,

"I knew you would!" She exclaimed after the sound ended, "Do you have an outfit you could wear?"

"No," I admitted holding the phone gingerly,

"That's ok!" Isabelle sounded even more excited, "Come over, I have plenty of clothes I could lend you!" I groaned, Izzy, bless her soul was kind enough but she was tall, thin and clearly no my size and her style, don't even get me started there... "Come on... For me?"

I left a note for Mum, telling her where I was going, walking to Izzy's house wasn't a long walk, I took my time however, receiving texts from Izzy pushing me on. When I got there a paused for a second to take in her multilevelled mansion and the sweeping and beautifully manicured gardens. I knocked twice before the large door opened, only Izzy didn't answer, a boy did.

And could I just say, he was a demigod, too hot to be only human, he had to be part God. The smirk he gave me proved that most girls had the same reaction.

"Jace!" Izzy yelled from behind him, "Stop harassing Clary!" He was shoved back into the house and Izzy appeared in a fluffy pink bathrobe, "Sorry about him," Izzy said taking me by my arm and leading be up the grand stairs, "He's waiting for Alec, my brother," I nodded unable to reply, this Jace guy was Hot. Like seriously amazing, chiselled body, a blonde halo and stunningly golden eyes - _SHUT UP!_ I told myself, _your with Simon, you__** love**__ Simon, you're with Simon. _

Izzy had managed to lead me to her massive bedroom and stood me in front of her massive walk in rope door,

"Ready?" She asked, one hand on the handle,

"Ready," she opened the door and my jaw dropped

Simon Pov

When my phone was given back Mr Starkweather wasn't too pleased, muttering something about this generation and our recklessness... I didn't care of course, I turned it back on and punched in my password and saw the one voice message flashing at me, I tapped it and lifted my phone to my ear,

"Heeeey," the shrill voice came out and I straight away knew who it was, "Simon! I saw you just now kissing that icky girl... What's her name? Do you love her? Run away with me... I'll love you better, I'll -" and I hit delete, not wanting to hear anymore from Maureen. I half laughed to myself thinking about what she said and how old she is actually is and how stupid she sounded on the phone. Maureen was thirteen, thought she knew all about love and she has created an obsession with me ever since she saw us preform once, she's a relative to one of the band members and they thought it would be funny to giver her my phone number... I swore. Band. I'm late. I started to sprint to Eric's place, my lungs almost burning as soon as I started to run but I kept going, today was a big day. We actually have a gig to rehearse for.

Jace Pov

I knew that girl from the school was coming because Izzy had called down, warning me to behave. I waited at the door. Not for Alec who was still on a 'drive' with the glittery man named Magnus, but the girl who's name tasted sweet on my tongue, Clary.

When the two timid knocks sounded a barely waited a beat and wrenched open the Lightwoods thick, heavy wooden door to see two wide green eyes staring up at me. Her fine boned face was pale and sprinkled with freckles, her soft cheek bones flushed red when she registered my face, and her vibrant emerald eyes darted down, her fiery red curls obscuring my view of her, gorgeous, gorgeous face...

"Jace!" Izzy snapped from behind me and I was forced to break my sight of this exotic beauty, "Stop harassing Clary," I was about to mutter some smooth retort but in a swirl of black hair, pink bathrobes and jasmine scented perfume Clary was lead from the door and up the stairs. Leaving me staring after them, the tall slender girl and the short cute girl. I looked after them even after they were gone, alone at the front door, i don't know how long I stood there but when I finally turned to close the door a bright red car pulled into the drive, not Maryses or Roberts... Magnuses. I watched, concealed by the doorframe as Alec climbed out of the passengers door of the car and was met by Magnus at the hood of the car and embraced him, kissing him deeply and passionately, making me feel guilty for intruding on their moment but also scared for Alec, who hasn't told his parents yet and is openly snogging his 'friend' for the whole street. When they disentangled I quickly closed the door and threw myself onto couch just as Alec opened the door,

"Hey," I said sounding 'cool', "How's Magnus?" Alec walked in, dropping his school bag and sitting down in the armchair opposite, he looked flushed and giddy, like a school girl. His blue eyes were wide, his black hair mused, his lips red and swollen from kissing and his long slender white neck had an ugly purple blue mark that peeked just above his white school collar,

"He's fine," Alec said, tugging his collar up to hide the bruise, noticing that I was looking at it,

"What happened to your neck?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow, knowing all too well what had happened,

"Nothing." He said, staining his milky cheeks red, "What about you and that girl, clary,"

"What about her?" I ask, a little too quickly,

"I know she's here, Izzy texted me," Alec, got up and walked over to me, "Remember what you told me? The day we saw her with Simon?"

"Awwwww, that's his name..."

"Jace. Do you remember?"

I groaned, "Yes,"


	4. Chapter 4: Friday Night Plans

**AN: Hey readers, short one this time. Enjoy!**

Simon Pov

Okay, I wasn't as late as I had thought. When I walked into Eric's garage everyone was setting up; Jordan and Kirk on the microphones, Eric on the drum kit and Matt in the electric guitar,

"Hey bro," Matt gave me a slap on the back as I walked to my bass guitar and started to set up too, "Where you been?"

"Getting calls from Maureen," I answered and he laughed, knowing too well of Maureen's obsession.

"Kay Dudes!" Eric called the band to order and we all gathered around the drum kit, "This Friday night we have our first gig we have been hired for. It's a sweet sixteen birthday party so there's gonna be a lot rockin babes so let's practice!" We all cheered and got to our instruments and started playing.

Clary Pov

When Isabelle opened her closet door I was blinded by the bright array of different colours and different materials,

"Wow," I said when I saw the extent of her clothes. The closet itself was the size of my bedroom at home and was covered floor to ceiling with dresses, pants, shirts, tank tops, shoes... You name it and Izzy had it. She giggled at my reaction and pushed me into her treasure trove of clothes and marched me to the corner of the room that had ball gowns, one of the dresses that was a deep plum purple almost black colour with a narrow cut and a deep neck line had been separated from the rest,

"This is my dress," she said, running her hand down the shiny material smiling at it, mesmerised. I stood there awkwardly and looked at it, it was beautiful and I bet she looked great in it. Suddenly, she snapped out if the trance and looked down at me, her dark eyes meeting my green and said, "It's time to try some dresses on,"

Izzy threw a lot of dresses into my hands and closed the closet door after her leaving me to try on the dresses. I tried on the first dress; it was a turquoise blue, hugged my curves and came out at my hips and had gold trims. It looked good, but Izzy had to sign off... Once I was sure I was in wearing the dress 'right' I opened the door. Izzy herself was sitting on her queen sized bed and talking to two boys, one of them shared her milky skin and dark hair, only he had deep blue eyes instead of dark brown ones and the other one was a blond haired boy with gold-brown eyes - Alec and Jace. I leapt behind the door frame when I saw the boys in the room, trying to hide myself from their eyes. I wasn't quick enough though, Izzy saw me and called me out, I stuck my head out instead of stepping out to their prying eyes,

"Clarissa Adele Fray, show us!" Izzy demanded. I slowly stepped out and Izzy shot up and strutted over to me, three sets of eyes raked my body and started to shrink away but Izzy grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to the bed, "Alec, Jace, thoughts?"

"Um... Well -"

"You're right, Alec," Izzy said, cutting off Alec's response. She turned to me and smiled sweetly, "Next dress please," I didn't argue and went back and got into the next dress. I went through three dresses after the first one and none of them were up to standards, but Jace seemed to be amused by seeing me in Izzy's ballroom dresses and Alec seemed uncomfortable watching me parade around. The forth dress was my favourite so far but Izzy complained that it made me look to thin that made Jace choke down laughter and Alec to whisper harsh words in his ear. I kept going through the dresses and they only went downhill from there. I was up to the last dress and it was getting darker. The last dress was a soft satan material, lime green, tight fitting to my waist, no sleeves, a deep neckline, a low back and the skirt part itself was straight down the front and had a flowly back. I liked the look of the dress on me a lot. It made my eyes pop and my red hair become brighter but the neckline could be higher...

"Hurry up Clary!" Izzy yelled through the door. I opened the pink door and Izzy was sitting on the floor, Alec was asleep leaning against the headboard of her bed and Jace was examining his nails when I came out. Izzy squealed and clapped her hands together at the sight of me causing Jace to almost jump off the bed but when he looked at me his eyes enlarged for a brief second but he honed his emotions quickly and raked my body with his unsettling eyes pausing momentarily on my chest. Feeling exposed I put my hands on the collar of the dress to yank it higher but Izzy stopped stopped me and called out, "You look so hot!" I blushed and looked down.

**p.s please post a review! Should I keep going? Thanks **


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